A few weeks ago I was talking to my girlfriend of over 15 years. We have known each other thru the worst of times and the best of times. She was telling me of a friend she knew that was in an “unofficial relationship” exclusively for about 2 years. In my head I was thinking “What kind of foolishness is this?!” But then my girlfriend made a statement that shifted the dynamics of the conversation. She said “I’ve been trying to tell her, if she wants to be the wife she needs to start acting like the girlfriend!” This girl was giving him what he did not earn, had no boundaries and wasn't respecting "the girlfriend code"!
That afternoon we painfully reminisced, mourned in our souls for the time lost, the shame incurred, the pit we had to crawl out of on already bruised hands and knees and the challenges we still fight today as married women (blog coming soon). Why? Because no one told us about being “the girlfriend”. But then I felt the grace of Abba, Father! We began to get excited and celebrated how far God has brought us. He is the one who bandaged our bloody knees, threw us a strong rope and pulled us out as we began to climb! God brought me to this place, miles from the pit, to have this discussion about being “the girlfriend” that no one talked about with us.
Girlfriend Rule # 1 – Don’t Throw Your Pearls to Swine
Your Body, Time and Soul (mind, will and emotions) are precious pearls not to be taken lightly ( Matthew 7:6). When you are dating or in an exclusive relationship you should spend reasonable amounts of time and emotions on your boyfriend. But that does not mean your life suddenly stops or slows down or changes negatively. Your significant other needs to understand what type of person you are and the world you live in. Your worlds have to make sense together. You give your body to no man except your spouse, period. God made many treasures of the earth like diamonds, attainable by digging and working to uncover. That is why diamonds, rubies, emeralds are so precious to man today. Aren’t you more precious than jewels?…YES! I said it once and I’ll say it again… A man will not respect what he didn’t work for! And bottom line, God said not to do it (1 Thessalonians 4:3). Maybe, just maybe God knows a little something more than our emotions in this area. Maybe, He wants to save us from “mourning after” in the “morning after”. Maybe, He wants our wedding night to be all that it can be and amazing as it should be.
Girlfriend Rule # 2 – Get Real
Amid the mess of my “girlfriend” years, I learned to shift From Likable to Lovable. I got real with myself in practical and spiritual ways. Did I really love myself? Was I healed from what wounded me? What did I believe about love and where did it come from? What did I really want in a man and was I ready? This is a lot …just buy the book!
Girlfriend Rule # 3 – Have Your Standards
I stopped wasting my time with the ones who did not meet “the standard” and wasn’t afraid to let them go. It seemed at the rate I was going, I wasn’t going to get married at my planned age of 25 (ironically I did!). But, I began to truly not care and trust God. I realized God more than anyone else (including myself) wanted me to be in a flourishing , happy, purpose fulfilling marriage; so I had to trust Him. I decided to establish His standard for my husband (and a few of my own) in my life.
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He had to be saved (2 Corinthians 6:14) Let me be clearer… he had to love and seek after God from His own heart. There was a time when I had to break up a relationship with my boyfriend of 5 years. I wish I could say he was a complete jerk, he was mean, had no ambition … but I can’t. He was relatively good to me, but he was not saved. When I got saved, I wanted more of Jesus and I could not let anyone or anything be a stumbling block. Breaking up with him was one of the hardest things I had to do. But I felt God’s peace and approval; that carried me through nights of crying. God had a plan for me, I didn’t know what, but I did know to trust Him and do my part.Especially as a woman, whether you chose to submit or not, you are coming under your husband’s covering and leadership. Don’t you want your husband to love you with the sacrificial love of Christ? Don’t you want him to direct your legacy into Gods best?!?!
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He had to be a servant and a leader. I didn’t recognize this at the time but in retrospect this was a huge attraction! My husband was a servant to his church and his family yet he led his life.He understood and demonstrated submitting himself to authority. In turn, ironically, it made him strong in leading his own life with a strong sense of purpose, ambition, boldness and integrity. I saw his humility, compassion and strength. Jesus said he who wants to be first must be last and servant of all.
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He had to be financially responsible and independent. I aint sayin I’m a golddigger… but I ain't messin with no …financially irresponsible man! I worked hard to have a good credit score, stay out of debit, save and learn about investments in order to have options when it came to financial wealth. I wanted a man who understood these things as well. One who was a generous giver and a good steward over what God has blessed him with. I wasn’t going to argue with my husband about tithing,saving, giving, or spending.
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He had to be attractive. Nuff said.
There is so much more we could discuss but this is supposed to be a blog not an essay! Last thing I will say is this … I couldn’t have done this without God.His deep love for me made me unafraid. His forgiveness took my shame away. His strength is perfect in my every weakness, even to this very day. Give Him everything, let Him rule over you and He will love you, teach you and show you everything you need and want.
