Eat my vegetables.
Take care of my skin.
Stay away from the boys.
Get my college degree.
These among many other lifesaving advice about life, my
mother drilled into me. But when it came to the "rules of engagement"
... let's just say I had to go to the word of God for redirection and
reprogramming!
So, here are some of the sacred cows God had to
smash!
1) "Wait until you are older to get married, live
life first". Proverbs 5:18 says "…rejoice with the wife of your
youth”. I believe the bible said youth for a reason. Not to be confused, the
term youth in this context refers to physical age; not spiritual or mental
maturity. With that being said, I dare say, you could be open and ready for
marriage as soon as your early 20’s. Seek and be open to your heavenly
Father’s your timing. Your husband/wife is your partner through life - not a
hindrance to it.
2) "Establish your career, so he is walking into
your world”. You don't need to have it ALL together! There is this notion that,
especially as women, we need to have it all together and he needs to come in on
what we have already built. WRONG! One of the joys I get from marriage is
building a life together with my husband. "A life"; one life
together. Not separate or opposing lives. It is true that we each have
our own unique strengths but we use them to work and build together. Especially
as a woman, you should have an understanding of God's gifts in you. What moves
you? What do you excel in with joy? That will give you a sense of where
the Lord is directing you long term. You should be able to express these core
components and values that make up YOU. Have an honest conversation about if
and how the two of you would complement each other and NOT how you would
compete!
3) "Make sure he is making at least six figures, can
cook, is at least 5'10 (you don't want short children), is within our
culture/race, has graduated from ...etc.” None of these things are bad
and inherently assumes husbandly character traits (provider, focused, driven).
But don’t put God or him in a box! When I met my husband, he
was not my “type” (and I wasn’t his). However, as we began to know each
other as friends and allowed the Lord to speak into our friendship, we began to
realize we were the “right type” for each other and still are 15 years later!
The criteria that he must meet are the biblical ones, everything else
will be God led.
4) "Don't chase a man, let him chase you”. I am a
firm believer in Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a good wife finds a good thing,
and obtains favor from the Lord". Notwithstanding, there
is a natural "art" to being found that the Lord had to teach me!
He positioned my attitude, my appearance, my personality, my sexuality
(amongst other things) to be caught. The list reads so intimidating now.
However, as I look back, these things naturally shifted the closer I drew near
Him. God also used several "Ruth's" to instruct, inspire, and
glean the natural things to gain my "Boaz's" favor as Naomi did.
Trust Him.
Love you and praying for you,
Lashan
P.S. I'd love to hear from you! What "advice" have you been given about finding him/her?
God inspired my husband to write a great book
titled “From Likable to Loveable: Your Path to Finding True Love”. It will
challenge you but it will change your love life! You can pick up a copy here.
If you live in the New York Tri State area, I invite you
to enjoy service with us at Life Church! Service is on Sundays at 3pm at 1387
East 96th Street, Brooklyn NY. I can’t wait to meet you!
