Friends To The End?

I’m noticing a trend that isn’t settling with me. It is the “God meant for people to reject you” trend; "justifying" why people don't have any friends, are lonely, and should accept it as a cross to bear. Although this can be true to a very small degree, fulfilling friendships are important to God (Ecs. 4: 9-12).  There are different reasons why some friendships fail. Sometimes love, patience and forgiveness needs to be exercised. Othertimes communication needs to be clear. Sometimes it's them. And sometimes it's you (that's another blog)! Then there is a need to understand and embrace the different seasons, purposes and levels that friendships can be. 

I  have been “rejected” numerous times. In the midst of my hurt, God opened my eyes to a perceptive that has given me peace and allowed me to really love people unafraid.  I remembered reading the account of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemeny (Mathew 26:36-46; Mark14:32-42; Luke 22:39-46). I cannot imagine the anguish He felt  knowing the torture His body was about to go thru, the abandonment He was about to experience from the One who has been His everything; and the shame He was about to endure.  He  entered that garden needing support and assurance. Before entering the garden, some disciples he left at the gate, others went into the garden with Him and then finally He went a little further alone to pray. A few things I find amazing about this moment: 

1) Jesus understood the depths of His relationships. He understood and embraced those people who were His aquantinces and His friends. They all "hung-out",  however He understood only few could go in with Him.

2) Jesus withdrew on His own accord.  People, no matter how well intentioned, are not meant to go with you all the way. There is a place where you must go alone with your Father. It is in that place where He can speak to you and strengthen you in ways that only He can. NOTE: this is not a pass to cut people off for the sake of  “getting closer to God"!

3) Jesus didn't take it personally when He came back from praying and found them sleeping. He understood that their spirit was willing but the flesh was weak. He didn't allow bitterness to set in.

More often than not,  people are  not “haters” but they are not designed to walk your walk. They aren't designed to go specifically where you were meant to go.You were intricately created for this specific purpose, this specific time, this specific combination of purpose, that has never been, is not, and will never be duplicated. No one can walk your walk.  That is a burden you can't put on anyone; wife, husband, mother, father, friend, sister ...they were not designed for that walk!

There is an expectation of unconditional love, faithfulness and loyalty on people that only God can fulfill. If we really embrace this understanding in love, how many hearts could be healed, relationships repaired, bitterness uprooted, love, patience and forgiveness exercised, confidence grounded and established? Let us grow to love unhindered and unafraid.  Will you get your feelings hurt? Probably! But because you have the right perspective you will be able to dust yourself off. Neither regretting giving the love you gave nor blocking the ones to come! 

A Feminist Living In a Christian World

The term feminism evokes many emotions from different people. Some understand feminism as the movement that liberated women from the cages of their houses and from the underfoot of their husbands. While others see it as the demon that destroyed the structure of the family and deteriorated the dynamics of society's moral fiber. Where do I fall on the line? First let us define the term feminism :

1. the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.

2. an organized movement for the attainment of such rights for women.

With that being said,  I am a woman who advocates for the rights of woman to be equal to those of men. Why did I not simply say whether I am a feminist or not? 

The term feminism/feminist has taken a different definition than what was intended. Somewhere in the interpretation of the definition society has determined that you can not be a feminist and embrace the unique differences and roles that makes a woman a woman. It seems that you can not be a feminist and be a strong, non- religious, Christian. You can not be a feminist and be submissive to your husband. You can not be a feminist and not be ok with women dressing anyway she wants no matter how un-modest it is. You can not be a feminist  and be an at home wife and mother. You can not be a feminist and have control over your own body to not spread it around. You can not be a feminist and really live for Jesus.  I thought the whole point was to have choices that allowed you to be free and to be the authentic and happy you? 

I understand how religion has been and still is used to oppress women. A woman's value is placed under a man's but right above cattle. I thank God everyday I am not caught up in religion! God and His word (the bible) is not in the business of religion but relationship! Starting at the creation of woman, God valued us so much that the man was not worthy enough to witness the God - like creation of us! So he slept. Women were used throughout the bible as leaders, game changers and ministers ( e.g. Esther, Deborah, Rehab, Aquilla).  Jesus validated and elevated the value of women during His  earthly ministry. He validated the valueless, like Mary Magdeline. He saved the unforgivable like the woman caught in adultery. He healed the untouchable like the woman with the issue of blood. He showed  the glory of His resurrection first to the women of His ministry, not the men! 

Do I choose feminism? I choose to lead my life by the guidance of the one who created me with purpose. I choose  not to be confined by the opinions of society, but be free under divine right. I choose to be an advocate for all women to lead their lives into true happiness in their family, career, education, ministry, and purpose. What do you choose?

A Page For Wives About Bitterness

Do not hold bitterness against your husband. When you do, you plant weeds of anger, confusion and unrighteous judgement which are very difficult to uproot (Hebrews 12:14-15). When you let bitterness take root, you are allowing it to eat away at yourself and the happiness that you should be experiencing with your husband. Don't you want to be happy and light hearted? Doesn't it take so much effort to hold that grudge against him? 

Lastly, bitterness is a blockade to what God wants to do in your husband. He is so preoccupied with "the cold shoulder", "the silent treatment" or that heavy feeling he gets from you ... It makes it very difficult for him to hear from God. Why? The attitude that your bitterness produces is a distraction! (Hmmm, this really puts 1 Peter 3:1 in perspective )

Give your hurt, resentment, disappointment over to Him. Let God work it out of you. Trust Him and trust the work that He is doing in the both of you.

I love you sincerely ...  Lashan